I’ve Been Lying to You

Whenever I tell people about what I’m doing, ya know, quitting my job, picking up, leaving everything to go live in Kenya for a year, I often get the response “Well now is the time – you don’t have any kids, you’re single, you may never get this chance again”.  I always agree because I’m a yes man and don’t know how to be any other way.  And to a certain extent it is true, it really is.

Now is the time to go to Kenya.

But there is another side of this story.  The part where agreeing that it is the perfect time to go feels like a lie.

Enter Aballo, Stella, Phlavia, and Emmanuel.  I met them about a year and a half ago through Bridge of Hope.


At a pool party the other day, someone asked Phlavia how they knew me, she said “she’s kind of like our mom”.  My heart melted.  They have a mom and she is amazing.  But she has to work a lot.  Any time I have free I try to get these kids out to do the kid-like activities they deserve to do.  We go to school parades . . .



Bridge of Hope Christmas Parties. . .IMG_1095

The beach. . .



the Del Mar fair…


 and indulge in ice cream . . .


Whenever I am with them I feel like the luckiest girl in the world (especially when they spoiled me on my birthday!) . . .


Recently, a discussion came up about who I really am.  We talked about the word pseudo and what that meant (and of course how to spell it because it’s a tricky one!).  I said I felt kind of like a pseudo mom or pseudo sister.  Kinda like your mom but not really.  Kinda like your sister but not really.  I always joke with them as I put my arm up to theirs and say “I mean, we kind of look alike, don’t we?”.  And they laugh.  They have the best sense of humor.

Friend doesn’t seem to cut it although sometimes that is the easiest way to put it.

When the topic of me going to Kenya comes up, we usually just admit it is too hard to think about.  We try to focus on all the time we have now.

Well in two weeks, we will be saying goodbye.

I have always wanted to be a mom.

I never though there would be a pseudo before it but honestly titles have become so much less important to me these days.

I will miss these kids as if they were my own.  Not sure if there is ever really a “perfect” time to go.

But go, I must.

Always Hopeful,


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  1. Oh this post brings tears to my eyes. I know you and they wish you could be in two places at once. Can we have a Colleen clone please?? You are the BEST pseudo I know!

  2. This is an incredible post 🙂 I’m so happy for you and proud to know you Colleen!


  3. colleen what a beaufiful expressive soul you are
    thankyou for writing this and sending it out to us

  4. I’ve had 5 (pseudo) foster kids and 5 of my own. I love them all the same. It’s never a good time to say goodbye but as long as you are doing something for the better good, it will all work out. You will see them all again one day and be an even better person for it. G’luck, g’luck, g’luck!

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