Jumping Off the Treadmill

I am a creature of comfort.  I love routine.  I love stability and predictability and control.  It’s “who I am” I always used to tell myself.  A Type A planner who loathes spontaneity and loves consistency.  Life on the treadmill fit me well.  It kept me feeling safe and secure.  I thrived on building my savings and retirement and having a solid plan for my future.

It’s just who I am, I told myself. All. The. Time.

A few weeks ago when I was still in my stable, predictable job, I was checking a patient’s pacemaker when the topic of Kenya came up. I shared with this patient that I was leaving my job in cardiac devices to go to Kenya to continue working on some projects with a Children’s Home.

How long will you go?  He asked.

Three months.

What will you do when you get back?

I don’t know.

What do you mean?

I don’t know yet what I’ll do when I get back.

His shock quickly turned to anxiety as he bombarded me with questions about my future and my retirement.

But what do you mean you don’t know???  What about your future??  What about your retirement?  Don’t you have a plan?!?  I mean, it’s great that you are helping people, but what are you going to do when you get back?

His questions didn’t bother me.  I did not become paralyzed by fear or take on his anxiety for my life like a good ‘ole Type A would.  Instead I reveled in the fact that I am no longer who I thought I was.  I no longer need the predictability, control, and rigidity that used to rule my life.  Turns out the “this is just who I am” mantra was a lie.  Getting out of my comfort zone and letting God expand my world has led to change and growth in ways I never ever imagined.

So today I arrived in Kenya for a three month stint to focus on language training and to help organize a training on Child Safety and Protection with Empowering Lives International.

What will I do upon my return to San Diego in September?

I don’t know.

Does that feel like a perfectly acceptable answer?

Absolutely.

Do people change?

Apparently.

Are you still chillin’ on the treadmill?

Consider jumping off.

With love and gratitude and a few pics from my last few days in San Diego . . .

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Colleen

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Comments

  1. Yay! So excited for you and this next leap of faith. I’ll be praying for you and your time in Kenya and upon your return. XO, Jess

  2. Jack Davis says:

    I loved your post and your discovery of the real you. If you haven’t already read it some day try to make time to read the Alchemist by Paulo Coehlo.

    “One’s personal legend is what you have always wanted to accomplish. Everyone, when they are young, knows what there personal legend is, “at that point in their lives, everything is clear and everything is possible. They are not afraid to dream, and to yearn for everything they would like to see happen in there lives. But, as time passes, a mysterious force begins to convince them them that it will be impossible for them to realise their Personal Legend. Whoever you are, or whatever it is you do, when you really want something, it’s because that desire originated in the soul of the universe. It’s your mission on earth.”

    Congrats on following your Personal Legend without the safety net below you. Your post are very inspiring.

    Thanks,
    Jack

  3. K. Magee says:

    The words Grace, and Faith come to mind. Your life reflects these gifts for all to see. Thank you for yielding to the Master Potter’s loving hands!

  4. Meegan Jones says:

    You are following your own path, the ONLY one that is right and best for you. Everything will fall into place for you when you return – in part because you still are a type A, organized person, but also because whatever you choose will be the right thing for you. So proud of you and your work!

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