Pausing the Flashback and Going Real Time

I’ve missed writing to you guys.  Some of you guys I know.  Some I don’t.  When I decided to out myself on Facebook and Twitter, I had to let go of being able to know who “You” are.  It is good practice for me . . . to be ME, regardless of YOU.

The flashback series has been an opportunity to take a break and attend Blogger’s Anonymous meetings.  I love writing though.  And I missed it.  I think of new stories I want to write about every day.  Plus I have 100s of pages of writing from the last few years that I want to form into blogs.  Or a book.  Or a lifetime movie.  Who knows???

I need to get really honest with you though.  I have a lot SWIRLING around in my brain lately and it is causing me angst.  I have this list . . . of things to do . . .

Book flight
Lease my condo
Insurance, phone, internet, etc (etceteras on lists are dumb but I can’t help it)
Thank you cards (My sincere apologies to those who donated already, I swear they are coming!)
Party Planning
Email catch up
Business cards/website development
Network connections I haven’t made yet
Books to read
Swahili fluency (Arch???)

I can’t WAIT until everything on the to-do list of my life is crossed off.

When will that be?

When I’m dead.


Because every time I cross one thing off, 10 things get added.

And that’s OK because I think that is just life . . . learning to be at peace with a never-ending to-do list.

But worrying my way through my to-do list until I’m dead?  I don’t think that is life.

I wrestle with two voices:

Voice 1 tells me to worry, stress, plan, prepare, and manipulate in order to attack my to-do list in the most efficient and effective way possible.

Voice 2 tells me someone else is in control. . .God perhaps?  Stop worrying.  Start praying.  Do the footwork.  Turn it over.  Trust.

And I KNOW Voice 2 is the TRUTH.  Because remember the car thing?  And the work stuff?

Those details came together better than I ever could have imagined.

I’m being open about this list for accountability purposes.  Four months from now I will check in and see how all these things worked out.  Maybe then I’ll have more confidence in Voice #2.

Do you have a list?

Write it down.

Tuck it away.

Check back in a few months or maybe even a year.

See what happens.

I bet you’ll be surprised.

Worry is wasteful.
Trust is life-giving and eye-opening and refreshing and freeing.

Always Hopeful,



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  1. amy forman says

    Hi Colleen,
    Thank you for this opportunity to follow your blog. Yes, you have so much to do and plan, however, if you think of the outcome, being a wonderful influence on all those people you will come in contact with, the stress of getting there will hopefully diminish!

    You are such a good soul and all of us here in River Edge are so proud to know you and see what a valuable person you have become!

    Best wishes to you for a safe and inspiring trip!

    Love, Amy Forman

  2. Mary Jayko Newton says

    I was Patty Maxwell’s roommate at BC, and I’m getting reconnected 40 years later. I think you’re awesome. I’m still struggling at 62. So don’t sweat it. On the other hand, you can celebrate how insightful and brave you are, Besides being gorgeous (it glows out of you) and loving and persistent. I could get my thesaurus down but we’ve lived here a year and I don’t know what box it’s in.

    For a belly laugh, go to and type in Dolly Parsons and Bette Midler’s short video “Islands in the Stream”. I’ve been suggesting it to people for two whole days and no one’s commented.

  3. Amy Dalton says

    Worry is wasteful…and we must be hearing the same voices because my voice 1 and 2 are identical. Today in this moment I choose Voice 2 and it’s because I have been enlightened and inspired by you, to once again, look at life differently. Thank you.

  4. SD Momma says

    I’m in Denver reading your blog. You are such a special young lady. Listen to voice #2 that one will never let you down. Love you lots and wishing you well.

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