Small, scary steps…Part II

I was disturbed by the suffering I observed in the slums. I became curious, desiring deeply to know what God was up to in that place.

And thus the story of humbled warrior began.  I started writing about my time in Kenya and people seemed to be intrigued.  So I kept writing. Seven years later I have hundreds of blogs documenting my journey. 

I started a non-profit organization (BEAM Kenya) in 2017 and God has done some incredible things through this ministry.  I am in awe of all the children He has brought into my life and all the things I have learned (including Swahili!).  God has been good to me.

And yet sometimes I want a different life. 

I recently attended my 20-year high school reunion.  That, coupled with Facebook and Instagram (not a good place to initiate an internal conversation), really got me thinking. 

Why did I have to go to Kenya?  What was I thinking?  It’s so far and I miss out on so much and I am not on any track towards making money and having nicer things or cars or a house?  What was I thinking?

My work with BEAM Kenya that used to feel like a privilege had started to become a burden. My monkey mind aka “shittee committee between the ears” was on overdrive. I barely slept. 

I woke up the next morning dreading the day ahead. I decided to show up for life anyway and follow through with plans to go with my devout Catholic father to his church. 

Upon arrival, my very gentlemanlike Dad signaled me to go first down the aisle.  I ran right into that pew totally forgetting to genuflect and do the sign of the cross.  I was prepared for an uninteresting homily that would pale in comparison to my jean-wearing pastor.

The message from the garment-wearing priest?

Gratitude.

He spoke about how he used to think that the work he was doing was such a “burden” because of the stress and the schedule and the overwhelming needs. He eloquently described his shift into gratitude allowing him to see his work more as a privilege than as a burden. 

Are you there, God? It’s me, Colleen.  Are you now speaking to me through a Catholic priest?

I sat next to my Dad in awe, feeling deeply connected to the roots of my childhood and all it did to prepare me for where I am today.  

Humbled I was and humbled I continue to be. 

With love and gratitude,

*Please consider a monthly or one time donation to support the BEAM Kenya mission to advocate for the emotional, spiritual, and education needs of impoverished children in Kenya*

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Comments

  1. Elphas Bengo says

    Small scary steps, but a blessing all the way.

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